This week's installment in FindSportsNow's Guide to Social Interaction is:

The Sophisticated White Guy Who Claims to Like SOME Hip-Hop.

This delightful character can usually be found at non-Starbucks coffee houses (because Starbucks is for people who WANT to be coffee drinkers), independent record stores or bars that are one step above dives. He wears plastic frame glasses and J. Crew roll neck sweaters. He carries a messenger bag, and has a smart phone, but not an iPhone because he's "waiting till they get the bugs out of it." He really digs Ikea and Pandora. He prefers Hillary to Obama. He lives in an area that was up-and-coming 10 years ago, but now has a Gap and a Whole Foods. He has the iPod with the four buttons on it because he bought it before you did. He loves to buy box sets and listens to the commentary on DVD's. He admits Radiohead was awesome during the The Bends, but insists Kid A is their best album.


His attitude towards hip-hop is specifically geared towards making himself look progressive and musically well-rounded. He likes the idea of appreciating music that isn't made by white people, but is still pretty scared of minorities. When asked if he likes hip-hop, he'll say he loves Outkast, Common, Mos Def and the Beastie Boys. He names these artists, because they've been mentioned in Spin (which he subscribes to because Rolling Stone is too commercial), and because they rap about "real" topics. Despite all this, he doesn't own any of their albums except maybe the album with Hey Ya on it, and probably all the Beastie albums until License to Ill. He claims to like old Snoop, but only knows Gin and Juice, and not the song..the video. He'll eagerly volunteer that he

saw The Roots play live, but doesn't tell people that its because they opened for Dave Matthews. He gets a thrill out of throwing a hip-hop song onto a mix, squeezing it somewhere between a live Wilco track and a Chronic Town-era R.E.M. track. He gets off over the reaction it receives when played at the dinner parties his girlfriend throws for her work friends. Nothing like looking cool in front of other white people.


FindSportsNow advises steering clear of this guy at all costs. Though he has some money and a degree in 19th century southern literature from a liberal arts college, his pretentiousness isn't worth the effort. If you're in need of an in-depth analysis of the socio-environmental issues in season two of The Wire, just buy the DVD.

FindSportsNow - A pleasant mix of The Bends' pop sensibility and Kid A's sonic inventiveness.