The following is an account of FindSportsNow's first 24 hours with the new iPhone 3G.


Upon taking the 3G out of the box and gazing at the screen, our nearsightedness was cured through the Insta-Lasik feature. We then plugged it into our MacBook Air for activation, which reduced the notebook's weight to a negative amount (yes...previously impossible), and prompted the smell of fresh oranges to waft out of the USB port. After activation we made a toaster strudel, using the headphone jack's dual function as an incing dispenser, and then checked our online banking and saw a balance increase of $40,000, thanks to the Bank Fraud App. Flush with cash, we left the house to make it rain on a Best Buy employee, but first quickly gassed up the car using the feature that converts wireless signals into petroleum. There in minutes because we used our 3G to change all traffic signals to green, we avoided parking by using the Jetsons App to fold the car up into a brief case. After shopping, we were able to jump on a WiFi signal and teleport the 75" LCD back to the office.

After a massage and facial using the EasySpa App, it was almost time to go out. A quick download of the Bartender App allowed us to create mojitos and Long Island's, pourable from the phone's speakers. In no need of a designated driver thanks to 3G's autopilot function, and not fearing a hangover because of the dextrose 5% IV solution currently being administered through USB cable, we downed drink after drink after drink. Having had to sneak away from multiple woman due of overuse of 3G's mind control feature, we arrived at home where we were met by a pizza delivery guy who 3G had called on the drive home. We then passed out in bed, to the blurred image of our phone brushing our teeth and taking off our shoes.

After careful consideration and much debate, FindSportsNow would recommend the iPhone 3G.

FindSportsNow - Expecting more from our handheld electronics since 2007.