Its a scientific fact - using FindSportsNow makes people better looking, more confident and all around more electric. Naturally, our users are noticing a strong increase in the attention they're receiving from the opposite sex. So in order to protect our beloved users from the pratfalls of the dating world, we've created a guide of characters to beware.

This week's installment is the Suburban MySpace Girl.


This girl is defined by a number of lovely characteristics. For starters, she loves MySpace. For real. This chick LOVES MYSPACE. Her page is a Guernica of slideshows and YouTube clips. Her background has stripes, or polka dots or black and white photos that look like Target home section wall art. It looks like one massive, pastel awful waffle, set to Chamillionaire or Carrie Underwood. She has 784 friends. She changes her display name constantly with a tasteful blending uPpErCaSe aNd LoWeRcAse. Her wall has over 2000 comments. Best of all, she has 37 photo albums, all containing pics taken in bars, or at Mardi Gras, or St. Patrick's, or Cinco de Mayo or New Year's Eve. Each album is titled with a variation of "Out With My Ladies!!" or "Friday Night Madness", and in every pic she is raising a plastic cup of Bacardi and Diet in the air and appears to be screaming Living on a Prayer.

Outside of MySpace things are equally as classy. She lives in the suburbs with her parents or in an apartment filled with Todd Oldham and Martha Stewart accoutrements. Right now, she's working as a server at Applebee's or as
a bartender at an Irish pub, but thats just until she gets a job in marketing, or PR, or event planning or goes to law school. Her favorite movies are Legally Blonde and Eternal Sunshine (because, "Its so deep...and fascinating...because the way it's backwards.") She LOVED the Garden State soundtrack. She claims her favorite band is The Beatles and backs it up by featuring Hey Jude prominently on the Oldies Mix on her Nano. She has a tattoo on her lower back of Celtic or Mayan or Babylonian symbols because they're "so spiritual" and they pay tribute to her dead grandmother who was 1/8 Celtic or Mayan or Babylonian.


Though potentially fun (and easy), FindSportsNow advises against any long term association with the Suburban MySpace Girl. If no better options exist, she can easily be won with a combination of 2-for-1 at Chili's and a Dave Matthews song played on an acoustic guitar.

Bottom line: proceed with caution

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