Starbucks announced on Tuesday they would be closing 600 US stores. Bad news across the board, as we at FindSportsNow aren't ready to live in a country where we have to walk more than two blocks to get a Java Chip Frappuccino. Nonetheless, it got us thinking. What other stores should trim the excess fat?

1. Long John Silver's

Is this place still open? We haven't seen one in ages. If they are indeed still in business, close every store but one, and turn that one into a bar. Then, you could say, "Have you ever been to that one bar that used to be a Long John Silver's?" You can't pay for that kind of word of mouth. You'd have to clean the crap outta that place though. I imagine it would smell like fish for quite some time.

2. Old Navy

$5 American flag tees. The Performance Fleece. That old lady with the glasses. Need more reasons? We can keep going. Seriously...

....Magic the dog. Employees wearing headsets. Mom jeans. Enough? Don't test us.


3. Blimpie

No one wants to eat at a place whose name makes you think of being bloated. They might as well have called the place Fat Ass Subs. Or High Calorie Content Sandwich Company. And maybe they can start wearing gloves when handling our f'in sandwiches! Sweaty hand has never made anything taste better.

4. Church's Chicken

At a recent trip to Church's, the cashier told us they didn't accept anything bigger than a $10. Problem. We understand that delicious chicken isn't very expensive and there is no need to pay with $50's or $100's, but last time we checked you can't get $5's out of an ATM. That would be amazing, but sadly, we live in an imperfect world.

5. Abercrombie & Fitch

Though we'd like nothing more than to see the death of graphic tees and cargo shorts in our lifetime, we're thinking that you have to start small. Maybe close all the regular stores and just keep the kid's stores. Ten year olds seem to go crazy for the weathered jeans and distressed knits.

6. Sears

Have you been to a Sears in the past 5 years? 10 years? We were in one the other day. We're pretty sure that's what the end of the world will look like. Ugly people, broken escalators and moderately priced fridges and dishwashers.

....the end of the world.

FindSportsNow - Advocating a graphic tee/cargo short-less society by 2012.