This Week's Installment in FindSportsNow's Guide to Social Interaction is:

The American Guy Who LOVES Soccer

This guy can usually be found in the neighborhood "British" pub sipping on an oatmeal stout or a hefeweizen (if he wants to go a bit lighter), and talking about the time he ran with the bulls in Pamplona.

During any conversation about American sports, he'll interject with a comment about his favorite Champion's Leauge team. For example:

You: Did you watch Beckett last night? That guy is ridiculous. I think he had 11 strikeouts.

Soccer Guy: That's nothing. You should have seen Kaká last night against Juventus. He went off!


When anyone brings up an American sports rivalry, he's always quick to add that, "Ya, Michigan/Ohio St. is good, but its nothing compared to Real Madrid/FC Barcelona. Now that's a rivalry!" He likes to bring up how when he was studying abroad in London, he would go to Chelsea games, and tell you that, "you don't understand the passion of the crowd." He goes out of his was to call football "American football." Every four years when the World Cup rolls around, he takes long lunches and wakes up at 4AM in order to watch games live. He gets angry about David Beckham hype, and will be happy to volunteer reasons why he is overrated. If you ask him if follows MLS, he just chuckles.

He does all this because of a great need to remind everyone that he is worldly and that he "sees beyond our borders." He loves to be knowledgeable about something that few of his peers know about. He feels that soccer is exotic, and digs the fact that he enjoys it. If felching suddenly became popular in Europe, he'd probably soon become an expert in that.

FindSportsNow recommends sending this guy back to England.

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