Today's installment in FindSportsNow's Guide to Social Interaction is:

The Guy With the Complicated Starbucks Drink


It's already 8:40 and you're just leaving the house. You know you're going to be late, but you stop at Starbucks anyways. "I'll be right out. I'm just getting a latte. It won't take that long," you think. You walk in the door. It's 8:44. No line. Things are gonna work out. Wait. Someone drops a Paul McCartney album and steps to the counter. "Just one person. It's fine," you say to yourself. He orders. "Can I have an iced, half-caf, quad, venti, nonfat, 6 splenda, with whip, extra ice, extra caramel, upside down, Caramel Macchiato." Motherf*#$%&. You consider punching him in the wiener. Rapid thoughts. "Get a man's drink! Or at least something that won't take 2 hours to make! How many goddam adjectives were in that order?!?" He pays, and walks away. Your turn. "Tall latte." Finished. Two seconds. You pay, and meet your foe at the drink waiting area. You check your watch. 8:46. You see the barista working on that warlock of a drink. The boxes on the side of the cup look like hieroglyphics. 8:47. The barista is adding milk. Your enemy, who is perched on the counter like the time-wasting gargoyle he is, speaks. "Can you stir that please?" The drink gets stirred. The barista adds ice. "More please." More ice goes in. "Can you also add more caramel?" The barista grabs for the caramel bottle. You look on as the sugary goo slowly drips out of the bottle. It's 8:48. You do a quick analysis and realize that murdering him will only add to your wait time. The whip cream is applied. The barista reaches for a lid. You look at your nemesis as his mouth opens. Suddenly you realize that time has slowed to a crawl. In a slow motion gurgle you hear him utter the words that seal your fate. "You know what? You're going to hate me, but is there any way I can have that hot instead of iced?" You check your ears for blood. It's 8:50.

FindSportsNow recommends being observant. When a Paul McCartney fan approaches the counter...WALK AWAY!!

FindSportsNow - Samuel L. got away with it. So can you.