1. Alaska and Hawaii, tired of being non-continuous, join forces to form a new nation called Icy Hot. To ease the trauma of succession, Alaska will cool the pain, while Hawaii relaxes it away.

2. A Back To The Future prequel will be made. It will detail how exactly a life vest-wearing high school student and a plutonium stealing-scientist became friends.

3. Brett Favre will start an NFL expansion franchise, called the Brett Favres. He'll then go through months of drama before deciding he wants to be their QB.

4. Realizing the error in her ways, Heidi dumps Spencer and attempts to renew her friendship with Lauren. Lauren promptly spurns Heidi and begins dating Spencer. Spencer kicks off this new era by shaving that weird, weird, blonde goatee.

5. Tom Brady develops a taste for blood, and begins traveling the world searching for victims. The death toll will be in the billions.

6. The long-awaited Home Improvement reunion will occur. A nation will collectively ask the question: "Where have you gone JTT?"

7. Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy will be released. It'll sound kinda like an irrelevant former rock star took 10+ years to make an album that no one cares about.

8. American Apparel will create pants that don't use the word "skinny" in the description. MySpace will crash and all of Brooklyn will riot.

9. Apple will release an iPhone that uses YOU as a phone/iPod/internet device. Your freedom can only be bought through the App Store. A demo version will be priced at $11.99.